jesus

9. 10. 11.

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At that time, Jesus took Peter, James and his brother John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves, and was transfigured before them. And His face shone as the sun, and His garments became white as snow. And behold, there appeared to them Moses and Elias talking together with Him. Then Peter addressed Jesus, saying, Lord, it is good for us to be here. If You will, let us set up three tents here, one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elias. As he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, This is My beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased; hear Him. And on hearing it the disciples fell on their faces and were exceedingly afraid. And Jesus came near and touched them, and said to them, Arise, and do not be afraid. But lifting up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only. And as they were coming down from the mountain, Jesus cautioned them, saying, Tell the vision to no one, till the Son of Man has risen from the dead.

–Matthew 17:1-9

What causes a person upon hearing a sound to fall to their knees, when in seeing someone they knew as their teacher transformed before them, glowing brightly, even blindingly?

Many times in the Mass, especially those over the past few days, and those upcoming over Holy Week, we are called to kneel. Our churches typically have kneeling boards on hinges that we can pull down to make it easier to kneel and stand. The congregation I serve, while not having kneeling boards, does have cushions available in the chapel that we use; I looked this week at an image of what the cathedral in Regina used to look like pre-Vatican II. I was shocked to see how stark the sanctuary looks now compared to how it looked before it’s “restoration”–murals were painted over rather than restored, decorative scrolling throughout the sanctuary is now stark cream. Where the high altar once stood is now a void with empty floor, a large clay artwork of the 5 new mysteries of the rosary presented by St. John Paul II takes its place, yet the void between the wooden altar and the space the high altar once occupied is void. It feels like something significant is missing.

I grew up in the United Church of Canada in small town Saskatchewan. Kneeling for prayer wasn’t something I was taught, or a practice that I was even familiar with. I prayed when I laid under my blankets at night, or with the rest of the congregation in church lead by the minister, while the minister’s wife played a quiet background electric organ that became louder and finished right after the “amen”.

While kneeling is not always something we have the opportunity or the ability (it can be so, so painful for me!), we can draw to mind why it is why kneel. We lower ourselves to someone who needs aid, we lower ourselves out of respect, love, devotion. Kneeling, or adopting a position of submission, can, potentially, be part of our deeper practice of prayer–we yield to God, we yield to Christ and His teachings, we yield to moments like the Transfiguration that link Jesus to something more of Heaven than of earth.

9. 10. 11.

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At that time, when Jesus entered Jerusalem, all the city was thrown into commotion, saying, Who is this? But the crowds kept on saying, This is Jesus the prophet from Nazareth of Galilee. And Jesus entered the temple of God, and cast out all those who were selling and buying in the temple, and He overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold the doves. And He said to them, It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’; but you have make it a den of thieves. And the blind and the lame came to Him in the temple, and He healed them. But the chief priests and the Scribes, seeing the wonderful deeds that He did, and the children crying out in the temple, and saying, Hosanna to the Son of David, were indignant, and said to Him, Do You hear what these are saying? And Jesus said to them, Yes; have you never read, ‘Out of the mouth of infants and sucklings You have perfected praise’? And leaving them, He went out of the city to Bethany and He stayed there.

Matthiew 21:10-17

Here we have a perfect snapshot of not just Jesus, but of how the movement around Him was making waves. One does not overturn tables and cast out people passively.

I’ve been in conversation with people where they’ve talked about how difficult and how exhausting it is to always turn the other cheek, giving the impression that there is never a reason to question being struck, or in this case, a reason to turn over tables.

But the reality is that, as Christians, we have a moral and ethical responsibility to question when we are struck, be it b words or actions; there are times when we have a moral and ethical responsibility to turn over the tables as it were.

How do we apply this to our prayer life?

When we examine our way of prayer, have we used one form of prayer too much? Do we have moments when we say, “Tonight, I can just light a candle and say a quick word” too frequently? Or do we simply say “next time”?

Jesus in effect is moving barriers between God and the people. He is clearing the world from the sacred, that which may have begun as convenience but is now profane. Immediately after describing what Jesus did in the temple, it shifts to moments of Jesus healing, then those in charge questioning what he’s done.

For us, this might be a momentary choice that lasts only milliseconds, “Will I sit down in prayer, or will I not?”

And then, the voices of our subconscious may question us. They may say, “Are you valid in your faith, or are you a sham?” Imposter syndrome isn’t limited to clergy (although I’ve had my moments of internal struggle with it). How do we have the right, our mind might say, to sit down in prayer given what we did or did not do?

Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, you have perfected praise. It struck me that, while we may read this as Jesus speaking about the crowds, He may actually be commenting on the immature spiritual life of the Pharisees who were criticizing Him! The status-quo, unchallenged, limiting the connection between the people with God, and the Pharisees comfortable with that because of the privilege it afforded them, and the way the people were comfortable with it.

Challenge yourself in prayer to see Jesus as more than just a warm, loving figure, but fully God and man, capable of anger, the ability to act, to turn over tables, but then to remain and fill the gap of the money changers selling sacrifice with healing without compensation.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples: When the Son of Man shall come in His majesty, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory; and before Him will be gathered all the nations, and He will separate them one from another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. Then the king will say to those on his right hand, ‘Come, blessed of My Father, take possession of the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave Me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; naked and you covered Me; sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ Then the just will answer Him, saying; ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You; or thirsty, and give you to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and take You in; or naked, and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And, answering, the king will say to them, ‘Amen I say to you, as long as you did it for one of these, the least of My brethren, you did it for Me.’ Then He will say to those on His left hand, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the everlasting fire which was prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry, and you did not give Me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ Then they also will and say, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Amen I say to you, as long as you did not do it for one of these least ones, you did not do it for Me.’ And these will go into everlasting, punishment, but the just into everlasting life.

-Matthew 25:31-46

There are two ways we can approach this moment in scripture:

The first way is to look at it as a parable of treating our fellow human beings with the greatest of compassion and love at all times, knowing that the heart of Jesus is present in all beings, that we ourselves are reflected in the experience of all beings (read even those who provoke us to disgust or anger or cries of injustice, for even in those are aspects of our own beings we are loathe to admit exist). It also suggests that in time, we will be judged on the merits of our faith as well as our deeds.

The second way to look at this is to see it as a parable of natural outcomes on a more immediate timescale. If A then C, if B then D. The outcome of treating our fellow human beings with the greatest of compassion and love at all times is to enter into a state of grace, as it were, which affords us not only deeper spiritual connection, but calm. The outcome of the opposite is fire, a consistent need to be right, the rage of attempting to preserve a way of life that promotes misogamy, the pursuit of equality up the side of a hill of gravel, with those at the top encouraging those climbing knowing full well that there will be only a small few who will rise to the top.

One way requires a sense of justice that starts by looking outward and being inclusive. The other, by looking inward and being protective.

When you go before God in prayer, when you speak with Christ and the Blessed Mother, and then listen for an answer, what do you suppose you will hear depending on how you have loved?

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At that time: When it was late, there was a ship in the middle of the sea, and Jesus was alone on land. And seeing his disciples laboring in rowing – for the wind was contrary to them – and about the fourth watch of the night he came to them walking on the sea: and he wished to pass them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost, and cried out. For all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he spoke with them and said to them: Trust, it is I, do not be afraid. And he went up to them in the ship, and the wind ceased. And they were more and more amazed within themselves: for they did not understand about the loaves: for their hearts were blinded. And when they had crossed over, they came to the land of Gennesaret, and applied themselves. And when they had come out of the ship, they immediately recognized him: and having traversed that whole region, they began to carry on litters those who were ill, wherever they heard that he was. And wherever he entered, into villages or towns or cities, they laid the sick in the streets, and begged him that they might even touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched him were saved.

–Mark 6:47-56

Mom tells you to go downstairs to the pantry and get a can of green beans. You go downstairs, confident at how easy this task in fact is. You get downstairs, and suddenly the beans are nowhere to be found. You are looking over what feels like a sea of cans. There is literally everything there except what your mom needs. You return to her, somewhat frustrated, and tell her you can’t find them and they must not be there. She frowns, you both go down to the pantry together, and without hesitation she reaches out and pulls the can of green beans that she needs.

It was there right in front of you and you couldn’t see it.

What makes our heart blind to see what is right in front of our eyes?

It might be that we lack faith in our own experience to know our answers are either factual, or slant to give us something more in line with what we want, or what is more comfortable to us.

It might be that we want someone else to confirm our experience. After all, life is much simpler if someone else is at the helm sometimes.

Or, in the case of our prayer, it may be that we are expecting certain experiences: perhaps we expect a sense of calm, the same routine, or even boredom from what feels like the same words, movements, over and over.

When the disciples “applied themselves”, they recognized Christ. When we apply ourselves in prayer, we recognize that the method itself may be repetitive, may be routine, but the experience will always be different, even if just a bit. There may be days when the water is calm: we enter into prayer, we embrace the experience and what occurs in those moments. Or there may be days when the water is turbulent, our hearts aren’t into it, we can’t come before the Lord or we choose not to. Or we do, and it isn’t until Jesus comes to us.

In any case, applying ourselves means being consistent as possible in the discipline of prayer throughout our day. It also gives us the grace to accept that sometimes, in our most frustrating moments, we need to ask for clarity in the storm: while we may find ourselves straying from our commitments in prayer, always return again, and again if need be.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples, You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and shall hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who persecute and calumniate you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, Who makes His sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the publicans do that? And if you salute you brethren only, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do that? You therefore are to be perfect, even as you heavenly Father is perfect. Take heed not to do your good before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you shall have no reward with your Father in heaven. Therefore when you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and streets, in order that they may be honored by men. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be given in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you.

-Matthew 5:43-48; 6:1-4

I’m really blessed to have the ability to sit with the Blessed Sacrament, both in my home oratory and in a local cathedral church while an individual I support goes to choir practice. Last night there was a wedding rehearsal going on when I arrived so I wasn’t able to sit in the pew in front of the tabernacle, but I was able to still be present and in eyesight. As the wedding rehearsal ended and the choir started it’s rehearsal, I began my Holy Hour with the rosary. The priest turned off the lights in the cathedral which startled everyone, including myself, but I found it easy to get past the outward distractions back into my adoration. After the rosary, I prayed Vespers and Compline. Yawning a few times, I’d have to pause; this isn’t something new, in fact I think Our Lord appreciates these kinds of efforts to keep on going even when we are distracted by things like exhaustion.

As of late, when I pray I have intrusive thoughts that pop up. Usually I give them no mind–if they’re regarding a certain situation or individual, I focus the prayer on that situation and think that it’s just my mind doing what it does. Last night when the intrusive thoughts came up, I laughed internally and thought how repetitive the mind can be when wanting to produce distractions. Thoughts of rage, of anger, moments when I was humiliated, or not able to follow through and the subsequent shame and guilt.

These are all enemies. We should not shun them but embrace them and welcome them. In some situations, during prayer when these thoughts arise there’s something we need to see that may give us hope, push us forward, or there may be an unresolved issue that is coming to the surface we need to give thought on, or perhaps act on. Then, there are the intrusive thoughts that are meant purely for distraction from prayer. In any number of forms, sometimes distracting to the point of shaking ones self out of the peace and stillness of prayer, their entire purpose is to create not only distraction, but frustration as well.

In the case of distractions of this type, recognize it’s “just going to be one of those days” and move forward. Return your focus to your prayer, and push through as best as you can.

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At that time, when Jesus had entered Capharnaum, there came to Him a centurion, who entreated Him, saying, Lord, my servant is lying sick in the house, paralyzed, and is grievously afflicted. Jesus said to him, I will come and cure him. But in answer the centurion said, Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof; but only say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I too am a man subject to authority, and have soldiers subject to me; and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it. And when Jesus heard this, He marveled, and said to those who were following Him, Amen I say to you, I have not found such great faith in Israel. And I tell you that many will come from the east and from the west, and will feast with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, but the children of the kingdom will be put forth into the darkness outside; there will be the weeping, and the gnashing of teeth. Then Jesus said to the centurion, Go your way; as you have believed, so be it done to you. And the servant was healed in that hour.

–Matthew 8:5-13

From “Homosexuality in the Bible: The Centurion’s Servant” by Isabelle Green.

Many scholars have highlighted the connotation of the Greek noun pais, which the centurion uses to describe his ill servant. It has a number of different meanings, such as ‘boy’ or ‘slave’. When referring to a ‘slave’ in the analogy he presents to Jesus, however, the centurion uses the standard Greek doulos, supporting the critical interpretation that his pais is no ordinary servant. Scholars have likewise suggested that it would be unlikely for a centurion to go to such lengths for a normal member of his household staff, and therefore their relationship must have been something more than that of master and servant.

One theory is that the pais was not the centurion’s servant or slave, but his ‘son’. However, a law introduced by the Emperor Augustus in 13 BC, which banned soldiers below the rank of officer from marrying, undermines this interpretation: although soldiers would father children outside of marriage, it was unlikely that he would have had an illegitimate son living in his home. Instead, many have suggested a reading of the pais as his male lover, due to literary evidence of homosexuality in the Roman military. Moreover, pais was sometimes used in Ancient Greek texts as a label for the younger partner of a same-sex relationship, alongside expressions of love or desire. In the Luke version of the passage, the centurion labels his servant entimos, which can mean ‘honoured’ or ‘cared for’, but may also signify emotional closeness in a romantic partnership.

The scholars Theodore W. Jennings and Tat-Siong Benny Liew have suggested that the dynamic between the centurion and his pais was more of a patron-client relationship; in this case, the centurion takes on the role of an influential patron, while his lover is a younger, less powerful man who relies on him like a client. This theory may provide an answer to a puzzling element of the story: why did the centurion not want Jesus to enter his household, despite asking for his help? Jennings and Liew explain that although the centurion is desperate in his appeal, he also fears that Jesus will come to his home in a position of authority and replace him in the role of saviour and patron to the pais. Again, the relationship lends itself to an interpretation of sexual power.

If we accept the theory that the connection of the centurion and his servant is homoerotic, then Jesus’ amazement at the centurion’s faith becomes highly significant in the discussion of religion and sexuality. Rather than recommending the death sentence that is prescribed for male homosexuality in Leviticus 20, Jesus praises the man’s faith, telling the crowd that he has never seen anything like it, and heals the pais. Far from condemning homosexuality, Jesus might be endorsing it. This reading of the centurion and his servant completely subverts the hetero-centric framework of love and relationships in the Bible, and therefore ought to be central to the discussion.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples, When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, who disfigure their face in order to appear to men as fasting. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But you, when you do fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not be seen fasting by men, but by your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you. Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where rust and moth consume, and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither rust nor moth consumes, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

-Mathew 6:16-21

What motivates us to action?

Many Catholics, Christians, will be attending Ash Wednesday services this morning in order to receive an imprint of ashes on the forehead. This is one of a few outward symbols of our faith, one that is visible publicly. It declares that we have entered the the time of fasting, of penance, of charity, those acts that are characteristic with the time we call Lent.

But what drives us to do this? What is the motivation for our actions?

I have a beta fish on my desk. Each morning, I turn on the light to the tank, greet my fish, and sprinkle some food into the water. Sometimes she eats, lately she’s been picky and she doesn’t. There are also lots of snails in my tank, and I enjoy watching them as well. I made a commitment to the little cube of glass that holds not just water, but life: I committed to make time each day to tend this little glass garden because it gives my joy and peace, especially in the winter months in Saskatchewan where there is nothing green. Looking into this little garden on my desk gives me calm when the world is, generally, chaos and anger these days.

I didn’t commit to do these things because I wanted to document the process, upload videos, and make money from subscribers: I made the commitment knowing that very few people would share the same sense of peace that I receive, but also knowing the peace and joy I would receive would be worth the small sacrifices I’d need to make to commit to the tank. Now as it just so happens, we now have a larger tank in our living room that we’re making into a tropical fish oasis. Plants, snails, and fish will now give not only joy and peace to me, but to my husband as well.

Likewise, commitments to the interior life aren’t mean to be a way at grabbing at glory, or scoring “points” with God. The interior life is meant to be a collection of moments that grant us peace, joy; they are little shelters from the winds and rain. 

I won’t have the opportunity to impose ashes upon my forehead this Wednesday. As a working priest, its often difficult to meet the promises of daily liturgy. Often its just a moment in the morning, a quiet moment at night. When I woke earlier than usual, I had prayer on my mind. In the cell that is my mind, I ran through “Venite adoremus”, the opening psalm prayed before recitation of the Divine Office. I recalled a time when I prayed the entire office, mostly in the cool of the back yard, on my iPad. I remembered the commitment I made to pray Vespers and Compline each night, along with the rosary. I thought back to my visit to the shrine in Akita, Japan, where the Christ through the Blessed Sacrament spoke to me, called me to spend a little more time with Him in the chapel.

Be mindful of what your motivations are, especially in the interior life.

Challenge yourself to question what your motivations are; look deeply into your reasonings, and do not be afraid to question.

Missing a commitment to prayer isn’t a great thing, but it happens. When you do, open the door to finding other opportunities to meet those commitments.

Don’t groan about it as a heavy burden. Remember! This is a burden that is easy, a task that is light.

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Fat Tuesday

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Yesterday, I read an internet meme that pictured the Blessed Mother as having had intimate relations with a shepherd, claimed it as a virgin birth, and started a religion. The meme was put out by a satanist. When I looked on their active tiktok profile, what I saw was a stream of memes taking pot shots at all religious faiths. 

They were all designed to provoke, defend, argue.

The myth of our age is: when challenged we have to engage, regardless of the costs; that in every situation there is a need to react, mostly without giving thought to consequence. I’m just as guilty as the rest. 

The day before the commencement of Lent is often given to excess, the focus being on the “what” we’re giving up rather than the “why”. This got me thinking about the reasons for this.

Christianity can be a faith of consumption, or it can be a faith of production, or it can be a faith which steps out of the need to consume, to produce, but it was never meant to be a faith that rests in consuming (be it the Sacraments or the need for approval or the need to be safe or the need to hidden or the need to avoid persecution) or producing (faith, safety, a need to be hidden, a need to avoid persecution, a need for power). Christianity is a faith that is meant to transcend these things and rest in the Infinite Possibility of a Being which knows us, which created us, which loves us, Infinitely. 

Those who would engage in argument or provocation for the sake of argument or provocation are operating lower than what we as human beings have the potential to operate as. I’m calling out politicians on all sides of the spectrum of left and right, religious leaders, activists, road ragers (including myself), and anyone else who provokes for the power without considering the consequences (including myself!)

Our faith calls us to consider that, Love steps above the human need to be right, or the shame of being wrong. It calls us to be challenges by beliefs we may hold as canonical that in fact are holding us back from knowing deeper considerations of living. It calls on us to love in the light of this, in the light that the love may be seen as a provocation. It calls on us to be silent, to dis-engage with the mundane and engage with the Divine. When Jesus talked about going into our room, locking the door, and praying to the Father, I think this is what He meant. Leaving behind the world, closing our eyes, mentally praying through memorized prayers, conversational prayer (where we speak, and listen), and then recognizing in the stillness the presence of Love greater than all that is outside the door we have closed to be in our solitude. This is the Franciscan method of contemplative prayer, and I invite you to engage with it during Lent:

Each day I’ll attempt to write on one of the readings of the day. Take up your Bible, in a place of stillness and calm, read quietly. Then, see the image of the reading in your mind, find yourself as a person that is part of it (either observing or actively taking part); let the scene play out. When your mind drifts, slowly re-envision the scene in your mind. As you do this, you will find yourself in a place of quiet where your inner chatter continues but you are drawn to the stillness and the chatter is more of a din in the background. Rest in this place, knowing this is the presence of God, for a few moments. If you wish, mentally pray, converse, but attempt to remain in the stillness and really listen. You may not hear anything, or feel anything: that’s ok. After a few moments in the stillness, return to the space you are in by opening your eyes. Breathe slowly. Journal about your experience if you’re called to do so. Set a timer for 15 minutes to begin with, slowly increasing the time you engage.

While tomorrow is the first day of Lent, the season has been upon us now for several weeks. We have been in preparation for the journey we begin tomorrow when we open the door, step out, and being to move closer to the greatest liturgical celebration of our faith.

Fat Tuesday