Since We Have No Faith

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A few weeks ago, I got involved in a discussion on social media with a group of conservative and liberal Roman Catholics who, when I announced that there was other forms of Catholicism other than Roman, ganged up on me.

My grandmother always told me to avoid a cat fight.

Well, clearly I haven’t learned.

This showed up in my Facebook feed a couple of days ago, and my first response was to think about my own experiences with the demonic, and how having had personal experience and first hand knowledge of oppression….

Then it hit me. I’d be entering into a cat fight again.

Behold! Another perfect trap!

As a bishop of what I’d call a Catholic denomination that is Autocephalous, but also focused on reconciliation with those who have been harmed by organized religion, the first thing that needs to happen is to acknowledge that harm has occurred, and continues to occur. I won’t even use the term “well meaning” when describing Christians who practice love the sinner, hate the sin without even recognizing their own indifference and prejudice shuts them out from experiencing the face of Christ in every soul that they encounter.

This is a hard teaching that our community embraces. Christ is reflected in every face, including the atheist. As such, every person is deserving of love, respect, and honour as sacred.

And this is the kicker: that would be true even if we weren’t the community we are, or if we were a group of atheists trying to help our community as a collective.

Engaging in bating–regardless of which side of an argument you are on, presupposes there’s an argument to have.

When we argue, we loose focus on honoring. Caring for. Advocating against injustice doesn’t fall into this because in order to advocate, you must first embrace and love. Advocating against injustice is the attempt to bring those who are committing the injustice to reconciliation with creating and becoming instruments of peace.

I’ve got lots to say about the efforts of demons, and how lazy they are, how they much prefer to allow those of us interested to act with the least amount of effort possible. But that’s not what this is about.

It’s time to disarm ourselves towards those of us who look through different windows, but see the same pain in the world. Why we love is irrelevant, that we love and act together is what is important.

Just….don’t get involved in cat fights.

Since We Have No Faith

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Thus says the Lord God: Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who seeks his strength in flesh, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a barren bush in the desert that enjoys no change of season, but stands in a lava waste, a salt and empty earth. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose hope is the Lord. He is like a tree planted beside the waters that stretches out its roots to the stream: it fears not the heat when it comes, its leaves stay green; in the year of drought it shows no distress, but still bears fruit. More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it? I, the Lord, alone probe the mind and test the heart, to reward everyone according to his ways, according to the merit of his deeds, says the Lord almighty.

Jer 17:5-10

Notes from Takasaki.

Spring happens earlier here. The wind is cold, but the sun is warm. A woman walking her dog saw us taking pictures of mundane things–plumb blossoms, tree bark, birds, and she smiled.

Food tastes different here. I get the sense that it’s messed with less, fewer preservatives. I feel that way because my body is reacting to it differently than the food back home. Apples definitely taste and smell better; more like they did when I was a kid. At least I tell myself that.

Trees are older, bigger. Forests seem more prolific when they’re cedars, bamboo. In the mountains, they reach out towards the sky, standing beside each other, confident, almost wise in their age. Trees beside the highways here have to be at least two hundred years old, maybe older. There’s a Shinto shrine here in Gunma we visited last time we were here, where there were cedar trees over 1000 years old. The oldest, now dead, was called the “Shogun of the Mountain”–and the trees descendants now fill a forest around the shrine. We’re going to be going to several bonsai nurseries in Omiya later in the trip, but today we’re going to one in Gunma that I suspect doesn’t see many western visitors.

I have always had a respect, a love, of trees. I have a hard time getting rid of trees in the back yard, so it feels like a forest in the very early stages. There are two feral maples by our fish pond that started growing the same year Dan and I started dating. They’re going to be ten years old soon.

The Old Testament reading today speaks about how one who trusts in God flourishes like a tree, branches outstretched towards the sky, roots running deep. While trees can survive alone, they thrive in an ecosystem that is diverse, full of life. When there is drought, the tree may have suffer but still thrives, still bears fruit, still produces seed, flowers. ln the Lenten season, we are like trees tested by drought. If our faith is strong, our suffering may not be as intense, we may not invest as much in acknowledging our suffering. There will be fruits, moments in our sacrifice that have inspiration in the moment. They may be subtle, like a glimmer of sunlight through the leaves of the trees, or seemingly supernatural, like the scent of flowers were none are present. Or they may seem in the moment fleeting, given pains we may feel, only becoming visible later.

I wish I could wander in the mountains, walk in the forests here. I wish I brought hiking boots so I could. Today, we settle or a mountain temple where, no doubt, there will be trees to see, to touch, to experience.

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6. Confession

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There are a couple of ways to make a confession.

If you’ve never made a confession before, or it’s been a long time since you’ve made a confession, you may want to consider taking some time, sitting down with paper and pen, and doing something similar to what is done in the fifth step of Alcoholics Anonymous.

“Make a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves.”

The first time I did this I wasn’t even 20 years old so there wasn’t much for me to really write about–given than I’m now almost 54 and when I look back there’s a lot more to the field than there was when I was 20!

A fearless and moral inventory requires courage. There may be things that we look back on that we don’t feel proud of. There may be things that, when we look at, we cringe thinking about how we behaved, or how we functioned.

Remember that the inventory that we’re creating isn’t meant to relive the experience. If you do feel badly about the experience, if you feel some shame or embarrassment about the experience, this is a pretty good indicator of a couple of things: firstly, you’ve changed as a person! You’re not the same person that you were, and the fact that you see the event in a different light shows that you’ve grown in your outlooks and values. Second, you have a choice now about what to do with those feelings you feel. You can try and forget what happened and move forward, or you can take the power that event currently has over you away. You do this by admitting to yourself that you’ve changed, that it might have been wrong even though at the time it felt right; you can admit to God that it was wrong, consciously. Talk to God in prayer, acknowledge that you’ve changed.

The hard part is admitting to another human being the nature of why you did what you did. But if you want that event to loose its power over you to make you cringe, to make you feel guilt, or shame–talking to another person, talking in the context of confession where you trust the person you are speaking to will 100% remove the power it has over you.

For this type of confession, it’s good to make an appointment with your priest, explaining what you’re needing to do, so you will have no issues of time.

The other type of confession is one that typically happens a lot faster. It’s one you make, having made regular confessions, where you simply need to explain in brief. It may only be one particular issue or anger. “I let anger get to me while driving again, and it affected me during my day in that I lost my temper.” In that situation, the confession may only take 5-10 minutes.

At the end of either type of confession, the priest will give you a penance. Typically, this is a series of prayers you need to say before the Blessed Sacrament, but can also include conversations about ways of overcoming challenges that lead to those behaviors you’re not feeling great about. “What can you do the next time you feel angry behind the wheel to help either reduce the time you’re angry, or make it so that it’s just a blip that you move on from almost right away?”

Here’s a graphic that has some good points about what to expect, and what you’ll need to know “liturgically” before you go. The priest will be able to help walk you through if it’s your first time, or if it’s been a while.

Church teaching tells us that reception of the Eucharist needs to be done in a state of grace, meaning that you don’t have any burdens on your spirit that might get in the way of the Divine Love you are about to receive through the Blessed Sacrament. That’s not to say that the Eucharist can’t be transformative, or that we may receive not feeling like we are in a state of grace. Rather, the church is telling us that to get the most out of the experience, we need to have a heart open enough to receive the abundance of love that is already so much more than we can comprehend. If we unburden ourselves to the best of our ability, we are able to take in as much of that Divine Love as we are able.

6. Confession

4. How to Pray in the Desert

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At that time, certain of the Scribes and Pharisees answered Him, saying: Master, we would see a sign from You. But He answered and said to them, An evil and adulterous generation demands a sign, and no sign shall be given it but the sign of Jonah the prophet. For even as Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Ninive will rise up in the judgment with this generation and will condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, a greater than Jonah is here. The queen of the South will rise up in the judgment with this generation and will condemn it; for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and behold, a greater than Solomon is here. But when the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he roams through dry places in search of rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house which I left’; and when he has come to it, he finds the place unoccupied, swept and decorated. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter in and dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. So shall it be with this evil generation also. While He was still speaking to the crowds, His mother and His brethren were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. And someone said to Him, Behold, Your mother and Your brethren are standing outside, seeking You. But He answered and said to him who told Him, Who is My mother and who are My brethren? And stretching forth His hand toward His disciples, He said, Behold My mother and My brethren! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.

Matt 12:38-50

When one enters the desert, understand that you are putting yourself to the test. When you put your focus to Christ, to prayer, to prayer unceasing, you will be tempted to stop, to be distracted.

Do not let the distractions hold you. If you become distracted, recognize this has happened, recognize it as a playful annoyance, and move beyond it. Return to your prayer.

You may experience thoughts that take you down a stream of ideas, and suddenly you are so far from your prayer that you have to start again. Do not despair! Return to the start, and continue. Do not condemn yourself. Prayer is a practice that can only get better the more you commit to prayer.

Begin with stillness.

Be consistent as much as you can be with when and how you pray. Aesthetics have to have a bit of a rule to live by. Let your heart and you conscience create your rule of life, your rule of prayer.

If you don’t know how to pray, or what to pray, start with that:

“Lord, teach me to pray.”

Pray the rosary.

Pray the Jesus prayer.

Read scripture until your mind rests upon words or phrases, then close your eyes, allow the words and phrases to take you. This is the Holy Spirit speaking to you. It takes effort to know how to listen. Sometimes the voice will be clear, like someone is standing behind you, speaking audibly. Sometimes it will come to you in a remembering a past event and seeing an insight you may not have seen before.

Read scripture. Close your eyes, mentally see the image you have read, and slowly find yourself taking a place in the scene. You might be a protagonist, or you might be observing from outside. Watch the scene play out. Listen. The Holy Spirit will speak to you. Again, it may be forceful like a voice from someone sitting beside you, or it may be quieter, more subtle.

Journal your experiences. Better, select a spiritual director you can speak to about your experiences. A good spiritual director will let you speak, will share insights when appropriate, and will help you do deepen your connection in prayer to the Divine.

Pray without ceasing. Let everything you do be an act of prayer. Dedicate your work to Christ before you being, as you work. Dedicate the merits of what you do in your life to the service of Christ, and do so in discretion. Do it in secret–your Father in Heaven will know.

Push yourself to unceasing love. This is less an act of exertion and more a surrender to the gentle hand of God in your life. This is not to say one should not act with responsibility. Rather, it is a way of looking at the threads of one’s life to see the handiwork of God within the movements of others, our thoughts, and perpetual choices and outcomes.

Participate in the Sacraments.

Particularly, during Lent, making a good confession, which I will be examining in the next blog post.

4. How to Pray in the Desert

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At that time, Jesus was led into the desert by the Spirit, to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread. But He answered and said, It is written, ‘Not by bread alone does man live, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.’ Then the devil took Him into the holy city and set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘He has given His angels charge concerning You; and upon their hands they shall bear You up, lest You dash Your foot against a stone.’ Jesus said to him, It is written further, ‘You shall not tempt the Lord your God.’ Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and the glory of them. And he said to Him, All these things will I give You, if You will fall down and worship me. Then Jesus said to him, Begone, Satan, for it is written, ‘The Lord your God shall you worship and Him only shall you serve.’ Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.

Matt 4:1-11

He goes into the desert, climbs a mountain, and begins to pray.

His focus in on prayer. Speaking, listening, through scorching hot days and freezing cold nights. Hunger and thirst start out life as nagging voices, but eventually manipulate how you think, how you feel. Why would anyone do this?

Fasting, as a tool, does two things. It helps one focus on the things of the spirit. But it also makes basic temptations more powerful, and can be an invitation to be tested.

When I followed another spiritual path, I would go out into the wilderness in the spring and fast for four days and three nights, no food or water. Not much movement or motion either. It wasn’t easy; your body rebels against you, hunger and thirst eventually disappear but are always in the back of your mind, nagging. Your body says it needs to leave this little space you’ve created for yourself to be still within, but your mind and spirit try to focus, try to pray. I wasn’t good at it. I slept most of the first fast, the second I left, found water, drank it, and returned, only to realize that the thirst I was feeling could not be satisfied with mere water from a stream. The third time, I experienced something frightening. In the midst of the early morning of my last day, voices came into my little tent, started talking to me, talking me into crying out in pain, anguish. I cried out “I can’t take the pain any more, please make it stop.”

My spiritual journey returned after many years to the Christian way that I’d learned as a child, then to new ways I’m happy to say I’m still learning as an adult Catholic. Even as a bishop, I still am learning and sometimes feel that those around me know far more than I do!

In making sacrifice of this world, we are opening ourselves to be tested. We shouldn’t be afraid of these–often we don’t know we’re being tempted until many years afterwards, only then does it make sense what happened.

Knowing this, Jesus fasts beyond what we understand possible. Something Divine is keeping His body alive, focusing, praying. Then, as his fast is about to break, old scratch shows up and tries to tempt Him in three ways.

Jesus no doubt is struggling with intense hunger and thirst. While that physical challenge exists, Satan is blind to the reality of Christ’s nature, much as we are often unaware of the Divine Presence in our own lives. Satan tries three times to tempt Jesus, each time failing, until finally Christ banishes him, “Begone, Satan!” Angels then come and minister to Him.

There will be moments in our prayer life where we experience these temptations, usually small, and seemingly insignificant. “I can pick it up tomorrow, I don’t need to worry about it tonight.” Then avoiding the practice becomes the practice, and we drift into spiritual coldness. It’s challenging as a working priest to find the time I’d like, and often I need to include prayer as part of my day, quietly, constantly. But I try and make time each morning and each evening to stand in prayer, in gratitude, before the Blessed Sacrament, to have even that small moment in time where I am with Jesus, present, real.

Take the small moments during your day, even five or ten minutes, and just be in silence, internally. Be still. Know God.

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In that time Jesus said to His disciples: You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt lose its savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is good for nothing any more but to be cast out, and to be trodden on by men. You are the light of the world. A city seated on a mountain cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but upon a candlestick, that it may shine to all that are in the house. So let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets. I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For amen I say unto you, till heaven and earth pass, one jot, or one tittle shall not pass of the law, till all be fulfilled. He therefore that shall break one of these least commandments, and shall so teach men, shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven. But he that shall do and teach, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

Matt 5:13-19

I find myself awake very early again on a day that I’d rather be sleeping in. I find that in the last couple of years, my brain thinks of its own in the same way a heart beats. I wake up, and I discover to my frustration that it’s been working on problems or angles of looking at things without me, and like a neighbor who plays their music too loudly at odd hours, I’m woken up by the noise.

Some days, I wish I could just sleep like I did when I was 20. Stay awake until 1-2 in the morning, go to bed, sleep for eight, ten, twelve hours. My brain won’t let me do that any more. Come to think of it, neither will my knees or my hips!

The Lenten journey took me to an interesting place in the last couple of days. I found myself questioning a lot, found myself seeing more than I expected to see, and wondering how I got myself in this turn around. That’s what has me awake this early on a Saturday morning. I decided that I needed to go into the oratory, sit down, and pray about it, which lead me here to writing.

In writing a reflection, I go to the 1939 rubrics of the Roman Missal, go directly to the two readings, Old and New Testament, choose one, copy, paste, then start writing after I read the passage of scripture. Today, like a lightning bolt, the Gospel hit me like Our Lord speaking directly to me. I woke up asking myself, how do I convince people that loving in the model of unconditionality, gentleness, actually transforms people’s lives when their hearts are closed to that idea?

The path of this journey has brought me to a place where I find myself in the company of people who believe that the message of Gentleness won’t work; this is challenging for me because as a bishop, as a priest, as a support, as a human being, Gentleness is at the fiber of who I am as a person.

Again, Christ speaks to me in the voice of Saint Francis. I’m drawn back to my favorite story, where St. Francis recognizes that he must serve those whom he most fears–the lepers–because only in embracing those whom he fears will he find Christ most present.

Yesterday, I came home sad, in grief, thinking that the person I was wasn’t in line with the direction those I was traveling with were going. I thought that, perhaps I had been put in the wrong place. Maybe I’m not right to believe what I do, maybe I’m too enthusiastic, maybe I need to tone myself down, not be so energetic or enthusiastic. Maybe I’m pushing myself too much into the role of leader when I need to just not be noticed, blend in, stay safe. Maybe the best thing to do is just follow.

Then Jesus says to me: You are the salt of the earth. But if salt looses it’s flavor, how will it get it back? Once salt looses its essence, it is no longer salt.

When you travel into the city at night, the lights can be seen on the horizon from a great distance, if it’s cloudy you can see them as far away as Lumsden. A city doesn’t hide it’s presence, it exists. A lamp doesn’t get covered up when you need light, it’s put where it’s going to give the greatest amount of light.

How do we convince people that, teaching with gentleness, loving with gentleness, stretching with gentleness, works? By living it unapologetically. Christ knew that we were going to come to His teachings through our trauma, our pain, our histories, our lived experiences. He invites us to let go of the safety of that pain and all the ways of living we have heaped up around us that protect us from more pain, but keep us from being who we authentically are. He says to us: Love one another as I have loved you, love so completely that your mind, your heart, your body becomes Love. And while this is difficult for almost all of us to do fully, completely, when I open myself to the possibility, and embrace what it is I fear the most, I can see how people transform before me. Those embraced become our teachers, become our mentors, become the great window in which Jesus Christ is present.

Love one another as I have loved you.

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At that time, when Jesus had entered Capharnaum, there came to Him a centurion, who entreated Him, saying, Lord, my servant is lying sick in the house, paralyzed, and is grievously afflicted. Jesus said to him, I will come and cure him. But in answer the centurion said, Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof; but only say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I too am a man subject to authority, and have soldiers subject to me; and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it. And when Jesus heard this, He marveled, and said to those who were following Him, Amen I say to you, I have not found such great faith in Israel. And I tell you that many will come from the east and from the west, and will feast with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, but the children of the kingdom will be put forth into the darkness outside; there will be the weeping, and the gnashing of teeth. Then Jesus said to the centurion, Go your way; as you have believed, so be it done to you. And the servant was healed in that hour.

Matt 8:5-13

As I believed, as a child, God was a close friend. This wasn’t something that I learned. It was something that I knew.

I was four when my parents started talking to me about Jesus. Recalling those moments, I have to either believe that reincarnation is real, and I’d come back from someone who already had the knowledge and the faith, or–easier for me to believe–that knowledge was hard wired into me from birth.

It was more like remembering that learning something new.

I went into my small oratory at home before I left for work today, asked for a blessing as I undertook this journey through the Lenten season, and marked myself on the forehead with a cross using the ashes of the palms from last year. I looked at my forehead in the mirror, felt joy as I recognized I was identifying myself as a pilgrim.

Where is it that Lent takes us?

We are embarking into the desert–a place that is isolated from the things of this world. Temptations present themselves to us, offer to lead us off our road. Anger, jealousy, self doubt, self pity, suspicion; these are the distractions that lead us astray. While we know that the destination lies at the Easter vigil, the days ahead are new days, new moments, new experiences seen through fresh eyes. Where does this pilgrimage take us?

The centurion knew Jesus was near, knew that it was the only hope for his servant–someone who scholars now recognize not as a servant, but a lover. He didn’t know what would happen, if he’d be admitted to see this rabbi who had healed so many. Would he be turned away? Would the rabbi chastise him, know that this servant was an intimate?

Would he be seen by anyone who knew him? Was this a risk that was worth taking?

The centurion went knowing not what the outcome of his journey would be, but knew that the love he felt for this man, his companion, was enough to risk being denied.

Our pilgrimage this year may not have an expectation of experience, or revelation. It may be just moments of taking things as they come, reading, praying, listening.

Our first steps have been taken, and we find ourselves in the lodging, taking rest on the first night.

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Lent Eve

Hermit Pete1 Comment

In darkness came light.

The light shone upon us, and in that illumination we knew truth.

Possibly from the first day.

This Lenten season, I want to share not just reflections, but parts of my personal story. I’ll be traveling in Japan for much of the Lenten season; in many ways, this will be how I keep in touch with you all.

I’m hoping to take a moment each morning to pray, reflect, and carry Christ through the day. I’ll be sharing moments, pictures, thoughts, poems, images, videos, reflections that I feel help to deepen my own connection to Jesus.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written here. I’m looking forward to walking the journey with you.

Lent Eve

The Penitential Prayers

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The praying of these psalms during the season of Lent is a tradition said to have originated with St. Augustine. How one prays them during Lent is up to you: in the morning, evening, or during the day, these Psalms help to focus one on the penitential act and the soaring grace that is God’s love and forgiveness.

I invite you to contemplate the words of Psalms 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, and 143.

The Penitential Prayers