god

28, 29, 30, 31.

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At that time, Jesus said to the crowds of the Jews: Which of you can convict Me of sin? If I speak the truth, why do you not believe Me? He who is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear is that you are not of God. The Jews therefore in answer said to Him, Are we not right in saying that You are a Samaritan, and have a devil? Jesus answered, I have not a devil, but I honor My Father, and you dishonor Me. Yet, I do not seek My own glory; there is One Who seeks and Who judges. Amen, amen, I say to you, if anyone keep My word, he will never see death. The Jews therefore said, Now we know that You have a devil. Abraham is dead, and the prophets, and You say, ‘If anyone keep My word he will never taste death.’ Are You greater than our father Abraham, who is dead? And the prophets are dead. Whom do You make Yourself? Jesus answered, If I glorify Myself, My glory is nothing. It is My Father Who glorifies Me, of Whom you say that He is your God. And you do not know Him, but I know Him. And if I say that I do not know Him, I shall be like you, a liar. But I know Him, and I keep His word. Abraham your father rejoiced that he was to see My day. He saw it and was glad. The Jews therefore said to Him, You are not yet fifty years old, and have You seen Abraham? Jesus said to them, Amen, amen, I say to you, before Abraham came to be, I am. They therefore took up stones to cast at Him; but Jesus hid Himself, and went out from the temple.

–John 8:46-59.

Again, I must apologize for not keeping up. It’s been a week. And every year, I look at the numbers of the posts and say to myself “I’ve done something wrong. It can’t be this far ahead. I must have missed a day.”

But I haven’t.

Today is Passion Sunday, the beginning of the strange period of Lent. Today, I covered the crucifix and the statue of the Blessed Mother with purple cloth; the curtains that usually are pulled back to reveal the mural of the life of Christ behind our altar today remained closed. I left the lights turned off over the pulpit and the altar. At home, my husband came into the oratory and helped me to cover the icons behind the altar. I removed the Blessed Sacrament from the monstrance that usually sits on my altar and replaced it with the crucifix, covered in purple. Some icons are exposed still–I need more purple cloth.

During this period of time, when I say the Office or pray Mass, I always tell myself that the coverings don’t really make much of a difference, but by the end of the first or second day I realize I miss them as much as I miss the alleluia. Parts of the Mass today were omitted.

When I was following the Medicine Wheel path, I would go out into the wilderness and fast. It wasn’t isolated–we were supervised, checked on, and on the fourth day without food and water we were called back in for ceremony and a feast to break the fast. On the first day, I’d usually sleep most of the time. I remember feeling cold, tired. Not hungry or particularly thirsty. By the middle of the third day, I would begin to feel achy. And cold. I slept. On the morning of the fourth day, I’d wake up and look at the sun, pace, and wait for people to come. I always thought it was later in the day than it was, and I’d wait…and wait…and wait. When my friend came to bring me and the others back in, there was a sense of relief; sometimes tears, sometimes laughter, and then the feeling of water moving down my throat, splashing in my stomach, the feeling of the cells of my body beginning to rehydrate again.

We are in the Passiontide of Lent. While the images we hold sacred, that give us hope and inspire us are covered, in a weeks time on Palm Sunday, we will be rejoicing and celebrating Christ’s entering Jerusalem: The King of Glory. Four short days after that, we will be experiencing the agony of the Passion, the silence at the end of Good Friday, the anticipation before the Easter Vigil, and the Vigil celebrating the resurrection when the bells shall ring out, the icons and images will be revealed again.

In the coming week, it’s important to pray for those we love, those who have passed, perhaps even those who have yet to come. It’s important to think of those closest to us who give us joy, to experience gratitude for the miniscule in our lives, like a glass of water. It’s important that, in our suffering and fasting, we unite our pains, our sorrows, our terrors, our anxieties with Christ’s passion.

In the week before Palm Sunday, reach out to a loved one you haven’t spoken to in a while. Take a little less food. Make time for prayer. Praying the Rosary in bed will often allow you to fall asleep before finishing: these are spare part prayers. Think of them as prayers that may have been omitted by others that are now being completed by you.

Spend time in silence, with scripture. Even if it’s just five minutes of the day.

28, 29, 30, 31.

21, 22, 23, 24, 25.

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At that time, Jesus went away to the other side of the sea of Galilee, which is that of Tiberias. And there followed Him a great crowd, because they witnessed the signs He worked on those who were sick. Jesus therefore went up the mountain, and sat there with His disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was near. When, therefore, Jesus had lifted up His eyes and seen that a very great crowd had come to Him, He said to Philip, Whence shall we buy bread that these may eat? But He said this to try him, for He Himself knew what He would do. Philip answered Him, Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not enough for them, that each one may receive a little. One of His disciples, Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, said to Him, There is a young boy here who has five barley loaves and two fishes; but what are these among so many? Jesus then said, Make the people recline. Now there was much grass in the place. The men therefore reclined, in number about five thousand. Jesus then took the loaves, and when He had given thanks, distributed them to those reclining; and likewise the fishes, as much as they wished. But when they were filled, He said to His disciples, Gather the fragments that are left over, lest they be wasted. They therefore gathered them up; and they filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. When the people, therefore, had seen the sign which Jesus had worked, they said, This is indeed the Prophet Who is to come into the world. So when Jesus perceived that they would come to take Him by force and make Him king He fled again to the mountain, Himself alone.

–John 6:1-15

In the Catholic life, we are often tempted to fall into the trap of thinking that if we pray hard enough, if we complete the works of goodness or sacrifice enough, we won’t have to encounter bad things in our lives.

Or, alternatively, bad things happen and we cry out, “Why God, if you are infinitely good, do bad things happen to me?”

As Catholics, as Christians, we can’t expect that our lives will be easy and not include moments where we come face to face with Crosses. Or, as one of my favorite people, the Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen was fond of saying, there is no Easter Sunday without first a Good Friday.

Our lives will have consolation moments and desolation moments. We fortify ourselves in the moments of consolations for the moments when desolations hit us.

When we are offered loaves and fishes, we can be grateful for the miracle we’ve experienced. But we can’t expect them every day, nor should we. When God provides for us, we accept in gratitude, in relief, sometimes with tears; but it is up to us to stand once the gift has been received, walk on, and find strength to return to our lives.

When we dwell in the desolation of our experiences, we risk springing the trap of Old Scratch–specifically, dwelling in our desolation prevents us from using the gifts and talents we have to serve God, our community, and to work in fulfilling our lives.

21, 22, 23, 24, 25.

19 & 20.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples: If your brother sin against you, go and show him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listen to you, you have won your brother. But if he do not listen to you, take with you one or two more so that on the word of two or three witnesses every word may be confirmed. And if he refuse to hear them, appeal to the Church, but if he refuse to hear even the Church, let him be to you as the heathen and the publican. Amen I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound also in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed also in heaven. I say to you further, that if two of you shall agree on earth about anything at all for which they ask, it shall be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together for My sake, there am I in the midst of them. Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

–Matthew 18:15-22

Consider here that we ourselves are a sibling to ourselves. When the truth of a thing comes to light, we must own it if we have a part in it, ask for forgiveness when and where it is appropriate, and accept the outcome. In the thinking of the twelve steps, this would be done “except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Whatever we bind on earth is bound in heaven. If we are bound by prejudice, anger, trauma, we cannot expect to easily go into prayer and find peace because we bring these things with us. How do we let these things go?

Slowly, over time, with consistency. If we notice a behavior that is detrimental to our well being, we recognize it, we look for the root of it, and we work to resolve it; writing, speaking to someone (a friend, a therapist), these are all good tools in helping to not just bring these things to the surface, but work to allow them minimal negative influence in our lives.

I’ve been talking to our worship community a lot about the benefits of confession. Truly, this is one way that we can release the hold that trauma and it’s cohorts has on us. What does it look like?

I described confession as being a conversation aimed towards addressing those things which have kept us from a closer encounter with God, with Jesus Christ. In a confession, we speak of those things we may have kept hidden from the world, trusting that what is said is kept in a sacred bond between the confessor and the one confessing. It can be a literal naming of sins, and a reconciliation, but it can and should be more than that.

19 & 20.

18.

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Brethren: Be imitators of God, as very dear children and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and delivered Himself up for us an offering and a sacrifice to God to ascend in fragrant odor. But immorality and every uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as becomes saints; or obscenity or foolish talk or scurrility, which are out of place; but rather thanksgiving. For know this and understand, that no fornicator, or unclean person, or covetous one – for that is idolatry – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one lead you astray with empty words; for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience. Do not, then, become partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk, then, as children of light, for the fruit of the light is in all goodness and justice and truth.

–Eph 5:1-9

Today was snowing heavily–I checked with the community and we made the decision to worship virtually from the oratory at my home.

I spoke in my homily today about how a house divided falls, referring to the Gospel reading where Christ references that if He was imbibed with power from the devil when He casted out spirits, it would be a good sign as that would indicate that the houses of evil were crumbling.

When speaking with Archbishop Roger this morning after Mass from Toronto, I made mention of the special qualities each of the people in the worship community have, how they’ve experienced significant challenges in many different ways, yet always seem to find their way back to the chapel. He pointed out that we are a community that clearly draws support from each other, that this is at the heart of what keeps the community together. Our worship community is very special to me; each individual is a part of the family of Christ that meets together in the little back chapel of the big United Church, sharing, loving, growing, experiencing, being.

It underlined to me the need for the community in Regina, the greater 2SLGBTQIAP+ community, to really self evaluate itself. For decades, there has been conflict that I believe is experienced because of trauma we aren’t ready to explore, or challenge, or accept, or heal from, or recognize as something that we all share in one form or another. If we choose to remain divided, we will do the work that those who would wish us gone would want to do themselves. They will only need to step back and watch as we implode.

Let us pray for unity, and act to create it, quietly, calmly, lovingly.

18.

14, 15, 16, 17.

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At that time, Jesus was casting out a devil, and the same was dumb; and when He had cast out the devil, the dumb man spoke. And the crowds marveled. But some of them said, By Beelzebub, the prince of devils, He casts out devils. And others, to test Him, demanded from Him a sign from heaven. But He, seeing their thoughts, said to them: Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and house will fall upon house. If, then, Satan also is divided against himself, how shall his kingdom stand? because you say that I cast out devils by Beelzebub. Now, if I cast out devils by Beelzebub, by whom do your children cast them out? Therefore they shall be your judges. But if I cast out devils by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come upon you. When the strong man, fully armed, guards his courtyard, his property is undisturbed. But if a stronger than he attacks and overcomes him, he will take away all his weapons that he relied upon, and will divide his spoils. He who is not with Me is against Me; and he who does not gather with Me scatters. When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he roams through waterless places in search of rest; and finding none, he says, ‘I will return to my house which I left.’ And when he has come to it, he finds the place swept. Then he goes and takes seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter in and dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse that the first. Now it came to pass as He was saying these things, that a certain woman from the crowd lifted up her voice and said to Him, Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts that nursed You. But He said, Rather, blessed are they who hear the word of God and keep it.

–Luke 11:14-28

It’s been a few days since I’ve taken the time to write, and I need to apologize for that.

As a working priest, it’s sometimes difficult to have the energy to do the things that a priest should do–I miss things, and I feel bad about missing things like saying the office, taking the time to write, or to read. At the end of the day most of the time, I take a nap, have supper, and go to bed early. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to just be a priest, to read, to be more focused on a contemplative life. Rather than be too hard on myself, I just accept that for today, this is the way it is.

Blessed are they who hear the word of God and keep it.

This past Thursday while I was praying at the cathedral, a man approached me and asked me if there was anything he could do to make my experience more comfortable; could he turn off or turn on lights, did I need to use the washroom or would I like some water. He told me that he was sad that the city didn’t have a 24 hour adoration chapel, then pointed to his friend who was kneeling in front of the statue of Christ, praying. He said that aside from himself, she spent about as much time praying at the church. I explained that I was there as a support for someone who was in the choir, and that rather than just leave and come back, I took the opportunity to do a holy hour in front of the Tabernacle. He let me go back to my prayer.

I had a feeling there was someone behind me while I was praying that night, watching what I was doing from behind. This isn’t always something unusual for us. In my case, I’ve always asked the presence if it was there to support, that if it was, it should join me in prayer. Since I was 20, I’ve seen a little blue flash of light when I’ve been in connection with the Divine in one form or another. I call it my guardian angel.

The man came back about an hour later to check on me again. It was nice, but also a little unnerving. I’m not, after all, a Roman Catholic, and while I might be practicing traditions in a Roman Catholic way, I’m a priest in a congregation that most Roman Catholics would consider heretical. I felt a need to be cautious, to be careful, to be respectful. Partly because I was wanting to be respectful of the space, but also partially because I still have twinges of imposter syndrome that creep up from time to time.

Other clerics have studied more formally, have more experience dealing with people in the way a cleric does, have more practical knowledge about theology. When I come face to face with an inadequacy, I’m humbled and sometimes find myself becoming a little bit shy.

Am I good enough?

God called me to my vocation. While I may not be perfect, I do the best that I can with what I have and endeavor to get a little better each day. That’s all I can do.

14, 15, 16, 17.

8.

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At that time, certain of the Scribes and Pharisees answered Him, saying: Master, we would see a sign from You. But He answered and said to them, An evil and adulterous generation demands a sign, and no sign shall be given it but the sign of Jonah the prophet. For even as Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Ninive will rise up in the judgment with this generation and will condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, a greater than Jonah is here. The queen of the South will rise up in the judgment with this generation and will condemn it; for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and behold, a greater than Solomon is here. But when the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he roams through dry places in search of rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house which I left’; and when he has come to it, he finds the place unoccupied, swept and decorated. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter in and dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. So shall it be with this evil generation also. While He was still speaking to the crowds, His mother and His brethren were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. And someone said to Him, Behold, Your mother and Your brethren are standing outside, seeking You. But He answered and said to him who told Him, Who is My mother and who are My brethren? And stretching forth His hand toward His disciples, He said, Behold My mother and My brethren! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.

–Matthew 12:38-50

Give us a sign!

No, you’ve seem signs already. Jonah spent three days in the belly of a whale, and the people believed. The wisdom of Solomon, gifted by God Himself brought the Queen of Sheba herself; before you is wisdom greater than that, and you still ask for a sign.

Then, Jesus goes into a narrative on what happens when we overcome and try to improve ourselves. The unclean spirit leaves us, we re-dedicate ourselves, work twice as hard, and the unclean spirit returns and says “Hey, this looks like a great place, let me show my friends!” and they move in too.

Why does the unclean spirit gain a foothold in the doorway?

SQUIRREL

Jesus, your fam is outside wanting to see you.

Dude, this is my family here! (pointing to the disciples).

Distractions will often occur when we are unaware, and in most cases, it won’t be until much later that we realize the moment we slipped back into the behaviors that we were so desperately trying to move beyond.

We regroup, return, acknowledge that there was a slip but that the slip wasn’t a good enough reason to give up. We start again. Not doing so will only give a stronger foothold to that which we’re trying to move away from.

That will be hard! Especially when we have not committed to include prayer in our lives. We’ve gone so far without it, without the discipline, and we’ve been fine! That’s the lie we perpetrate to ourselves to avoid the discomfort (minor as it is) of spending time with the Lord.

Be resolute and steadfast in your commitment.

8.

7.

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At that time, when Jesus entered Jerusalem, all the city was thrown into commotion, saying, Who is this? But the crowds kept on saying, This is Jesus the prophet from Nazareth of Galilee. And Jesus entered the temple of God, and cast out all those who were selling and buying in the temple, and He overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold the doves. And He said to them, It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’; but you have make it a den of thieves. And the blind and the lame came to Him in the temple, and He healed them. But the chief priests and the Scribes, seeing the wonderful deeds that He did, and the children crying out in the temple, and saying, Hosanna to the Son of David, were indignant, and said to Him, Do You hear what these are saying? And Jesus said to them, Yes; have you never read, ‘Out of the mouth of infants and sucklings You have perfected praise’? And leaving them, He went out of the city to Bethany and He stayed there.

Matthiew 21:10-17

Here we have a perfect snapshot of not just Jesus, but of how the movement around Him was making waves. One does not overturn tables and cast out people passively.

I’ve been in conversation with people where they’ve talked about how difficult and how exhausting it is to always turn the other cheek, giving the impression that there is never a reason to question being struck, or in this case, a reason to turn over tables.

But the reality is that, as Christians, we have a moral and ethical responsibility to question when we are struck, be it b words or actions; there are times when we have a moral and ethical responsibility to turn over the tables as it were.

How do we apply this to our prayer life?

When we examine our way of prayer, have we used one form of prayer too much? Do we have moments when we say, “Tonight, I can just light a candle and say a quick word” too frequently? Or do we simply say “next time”?

Jesus in effect is moving barriers between God and the people. He is clearing the world from the sacred, that which may have begun as convenience but is now profane. Immediately after describing what Jesus did in the temple, it shifts to moments of Jesus healing, then those in charge questioning what he’s done.

For us, this might be a momentary choice that lasts only milliseconds, “Will I sit down in prayer, or will I not?”

And then, the voices of our subconscious may question us. They may say, “Are you valid in your faith, or are you a sham?” Imposter syndrome isn’t limited to clergy (although I’ve had my moments of internal struggle with it). How do we have the right, our mind might say, to sit down in prayer given what we did or did not do?

Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, you have perfected praise. It struck me that, while we may read this as Jesus speaking about the crowds, He may actually be commenting on the immature spiritual life of the Pharisees who were criticizing Him! The status-quo, unchallenged, limiting the connection between the people with God, and the Pharisees comfortable with that because of the privilege it afforded them, and the way the people were comfortable with it.

Challenge yourself in prayer to see Jesus as more than just a warm, loving figure, but fully God and man, capable of anger, the ability to act, to turn over tables, but then to remain and fill the gap of the money changers selling sacrifice with healing without compensation.

7.

6.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples: When the Son of Man shall come in His majesty, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory; and before Him will be gathered all the nations, and He will separate them one from another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. Then the king will say to those on his right hand, ‘Come, blessed of My Father, take possession of the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave Me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; naked and you covered Me; sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ Then the just will answer Him, saying; ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You; or thirsty, and give you to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and take You in; or naked, and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And, answering, the king will say to them, ‘Amen I say to you, as long as you did it for one of these, the least of My brethren, you did it for Me.’ Then He will say to those on His left hand, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the everlasting fire which was prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry, and you did not give Me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ Then they also will and say, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Amen I say to you, as long as you did not do it for one of these least ones, you did not do it for Me.’ And these will go into everlasting, punishment, but the just into everlasting life.

-Matthew 25:31-46

There are two ways we can approach this moment in scripture:

The first way is to look at it as a parable of treating our fellow human beings with the greatest of compassion and love at all times, knowing that the heart of Jesus is present in all beings, that we ourselves are reflected in the experience of all beings (read even those who provoke us to disgust or anger or cries of injustice, for even in those are aspects of our own beings we are loathe to admit exist). It also suggests that in time, we will be judged on the merits of our faith as well as our deeds.

The second way to look at this is to see it as a parable of natural outcomes on a more immediate timescale. If A then C, if B then D. The outcome of treating our fellow human beings with the greatest of compassion and love at all times is to enter into a state of grace, as it were, which affords us not only deeper spiritual connection, but calm. The outcome of the opposite is fire, a consistent need to be right, the rage of attempting to preserve a way of life that promotes misogamy, the pursuit of equality up the side of a hill of gravel, with those at the top encouraging those climbing knowing full well that there will be only a small few who will rise to the top.

One way requires a sense of justice that starts by looking outward and being inclusive. The other, by looking inward and being protective.

When you go before God in prayer, when you speak with Christ and the Blessed Mother, and then listen for an answer, what do you suppose you will hear depending on how you have loved?

6.

4.

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At that time: When it was late, there was a ship in the middle of the sea, and Jesus was alone on land. And seeing his disciples laboring in rowing – for the wind was contrary to them – and about the fourth watch of the night he came to them walking on the sea: and he wished to pass them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost, and cried out. For all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he spoke with them and said to them: Trust, it is I, do not be afraid. And he went up to them in the ship, and the wind ceased. And they were more and more amazed within themselves: for they did not understand about the loaves: for their hearts were blinded. And when they had crossed over, they came to the land of Gennesaret, and applied themselves. And when they had come out of the ship, they immediately recognized him: and having traversed that whole region, they began to carry on litters those who were ill, wherever they heard that he was. And wherever he entered, into villages or towns or cities, they laid the sick in the streets, and begged him that they might even touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched him were saved.

–Mark 6:47-56

Mom tells you to go downstairs to the pantry and get a can of green beans. You go downstairs, confident at how easy this task in fact is. You get downstairs, and suddenly the beans are nowhere to be found. You are looking over what feels like a sea of cans. There is literally everything there except what your mom needs. You return to her, somewhat frustrated, and tell her you can’t find them and they must not be there. She frowns, you both go down to the pantry together, and without hesitation she reaches out and pulls the can of green beans that she needs.

It was there right in front of you and you couldn’t see it.

What makes our heart blind to see what is right in front of our eyes?

It might be that we lack faith in our own experience to know our answers are either factual, or slant to give us something more in line with what we want, or what is more comfortable to us.

It might be that we want someone else to confirm our experience. After all, life is much simpler if someone else is at the helm sometimes.

Or, in the case of our prayer, it may be that we are expecting certain experiences: perhaps we expect a sense of calm, the same routine, or even boredom from what feels like the same words, movements, over and over.

When the disciples “applied themselves”, they recognized Christ. When we apply ourselves in prayer, we recognize that the method itself may be repetitive, may be routine, but the experience will always be different, even if just a bit. There may be days when the water is calm: we enter into prayer, we embrace the experience and what occurs in those moments. Or there may be days when the water is turbulent, our hearts aren’t into it, we can’t come before the Lord or we choose not to. Or we do, and it isn’t until Jesus comes to us.

In any case, applying ourselves means being consistent as possible in the discipline of prayer throughout our day. It also gives us the grace to accept that sometimes, in our most frustrating moments, we need to ask for clarity in the storm: while we may find ourselves straying from our commitments in prayer, always return again, and again if need be.

4.

3.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples, You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and shall hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who persecute and calumniate you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, Who makes His sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the publicans do that? And if you salute you brethren only, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do that? You therefore are to be perfect, even as you heavenly Father is perfect. Take heed not to do your good before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you shall have no reward with your Father in heaven. Therefore when you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and streets, in order that they may be honored by men. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be given in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you.

-Matthew 5:43-48; 6:1-4

I’m really blessed to have the ability to sit with the Blessed Sacrament, both in my home oratory and in a local cathedral church while an individual I support goes to choir practice. Last night there was a wedding rehearsal going on when I arrived so I wasn’t able to sit in the pew in front of the tabernacle, but I was able to still be present and in eyesight. As the wedding rehearsal ended and the choir started it’s rehearsal, I began my Holy Hour with the rosary. The priest turned off the lights in the cathedral which startled everyone, including myself, but I found it easy to get past the outward distractions back into my adoration. After the rosary, I prayed Vespers and Compline. Yawning a few times, I’d have to pause; this isn’t something new, in fact I think Our Lord appreciates these kinds of efforts to keep on going even when we are distracted by things like exhaustion.

As of late, when I pray I have intrusive thoughts that pop up. Usually I give them no mind–if they’re regarding a certain situation or individual, I focus the prayer on that situation and think that it’s just my mind doing what it does. Last night when the intrusive thoughts came up, I laughed internally and thought how repetitive the mind can be when wanting to produce distractions. Thoughts of rage, of anger, moments when I was humiliated, or not able to follow through and the subsequent shame and guilt.

These are all enemies. We should not shun them but embrace them and welcome them. In some situations, during prayer when these thoughts arise there’s something we need to see that may give us hope, push us forward, or there may be an unresolved issue that is coming to the surface we need to give thought on, or perhaps act on. Then, there are the intrusive thoughts that are meant purely for distraction from prayer. In any number of forms, sometimes distracting to the point of shaking ones self out of the peace and stillness of prayer, their entire purpose is to create not only distraction, but frustration as well.

In the case of distractions of this type, recognize it’s “just going to be one of those days” and move forward. Return your focus to your prayer, and push through as best as you can.

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