christianity

A Measure of “Equality”

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A person says, “I treat everyone equally.” They’re trying to convey that they don’t hold prejudices or make judgements about others. They’re trying to say that they don’t discriminate.

We may even hold this as a tenant of our own personal philosophy.

But do we all treat everyone “equally”? How, for example, do we define what equality is? What is the bar that we use to judge equality?

Take for example the province’s rehabilitation program for drugs and alcohol. Individuals from Regina must call and get into a wait list for a spot in a rehab in Moose Jaw. They must call daily to keep their spot and check in. Once their spot is open, they need to get to Moose Jaw to participate in the program.

If I were an employed individual with a vehicle, three square meals, and access to a telephone this would not be as much of a challenge as if I were an individual who was daily trying to think about where I was going to sleep without freezing to death.

The bar for equal in this situation is not just. It treats everyone equal provided they are able to reach a standard of equality defined by rigid fixed criteria that makes it harder, if not impossible, for an entire group of people with legitimate needs to be “equal”.

When we say we treat everyone “equally”, it is important that we examine what we’re really trying to say. Are we actually treating everyone equally, or are we saying that we will treat someone respectfully provided they meet a standard we may unjustly refer to as “equal”? Does our equality consider the diversity of circumstance, and that some people may have to work over and above what others may to achieve equality?

Saint Francis, recognizing that this practice was not only unjust, but a barrier between him and his full experience of God, did something radically different. He moved himself to the place where the most lowly, the lepers, existed. He made himself equal with the most vulnerable, the untouchables, and served them as if he were less than they were. Christ in the sacraments of the church makes it possible for us to meet the Divine on the same footing; they provide an avenue for us to meet Christ, acknowledge God’s presence within us, within all things, all people.

God’s calculus for equality puts us all on the same starting point. We, in our ego, move ourselves forwards or backwards, sometimes without considering that we may be moving ourselves closer or further away from God’s presence.

A Measure of “Equality”

Presence, Grace, Connection

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There have been times when I’ve felt God’s presence; at the words of consecration, He is there, sometimes loudly and lovingly, sometimes softly and nurturing, sometimes touching my pain, my grief, my sorrow, my frustration, my unworthiness.

Other times, I’ve felt the presence of God by His seeming absence from my life.

I experienced a very long dark night in which my grief was overwhelming. My cup runneth over with tears that I had no easy explanation for. Those around me simply did the best they could to compensate for my inability to function, and were unable to understand what was going on. I was so full of this darkness that I wasn’t able to react to what was going on around me except with tears, grief, pain, sorrow.

I reached for explanations beyond medicine because part of the philosophy of those I was running with was that medication was a sign of weakness, and we needed to be stronger than that. There was an expectation of needing to measure up, to “man up”, that I was very much aware of being unable to meet.

Looking back with clarity now, I know there were two components to what was happening to me–there was the very much medical imbalance of chemistry in my brain that was creating a recurring loop of sorts. There was also the diabolical component. When there is a weakness present, it makes it easier for those that want to take advantage to do so. The diabolical prefers to allow an individual to do the work on their own behalf, to feed on what is provided, and to stir the coals to keep the fire burning. In my case, this was what I call the three year dark night, although it may have been a longer or shorter time.

Looking back in clarity now, Jesus was beside me the entire time I was there. I was simply so focused on what was going on that I wasn’t able to see that the darkness of my life was allowed to go so far and no further. I loathed the idea of suicide and became even more deeply entrenched in my grief because of that. That was the bar that Christ lowered.

Why did I go through that dark night? What purpose could that pain have served?

The first thing it did was to lay the foundation for me to pursue my vocation. Had I not been in the deepness of that dark night I would not have come out the way I had. In many ways, the people around me didn’t believe for years that it was over–that may have been their own darkness no longer having a way to relate. I remember the almost frustrated way that people saw my sudden impulse to laughter, that wellspring of joy that simply couldn’t be released or sometimes controlled. They would ask, “Why are you laughing?” and I would respond “Would you rather I be crying?” I felt life again.

This was the presence of Grace in my life. I’d been shown a taste of hell, then very quickly lifted from it. Doors began to open, and when I walked through them, I was met with resentment from the people I ran with. “Why is he going to university? What does he think he can achieve?” “Who would ever consider hiring you?”

It didn’t matter. There was no resentment because I was free.

Keeping the connection with Christ was easy in the beginning because it was so pure, so present. I took steps to fulfill my vocation, doors opened for people who were supportive and showed me love. More, I was given a means to recognize trauma I’d experienced. It’s still taking time to work through, to heal. I’m still triggered by events in my life–moments that, in the past I would be punished for, or would push through in fear of the punishment are now met with empathy, compassion, and affirmation.

Prayer is the means by which we maintain the connection with the Divine. This takes the form of the formal prayers like the Mass, the rosary, reading with a mind to the Divine, cultivating silence and listening. Soon snow will be falling around us. When it does, and it’s falling softly and gently, go outside and listen. Things seem muffled. There’s a stillness even in the presence of the noises of the city. That’s what prayer is like, what prayer is meant to do. It’s the finding of stillness in the presence of the noise of the world. It’s not meant to remove the noise, but rather to exist along side the noise without dwelling in it.

That stillness is achieved in many ways. The simplest is quiet, repetitive prayer. Choose a short prayer, a simple prayer. Close your eyes and simple repeat the prayer in your mind, over and over. Do this for a short period to being, maybe 5-10 minutes. As the prayer becomes part of your inner dialogue, practice walking through the day repeating the prayer. In time, this becomes part of who you are. You will go to sleep in the prayer, stirring in the middle of the night with the prayer in your thoughts, waking with the prayer before you. Make the prayer a part of your being by repeating it constantly and consistently.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

My Jesus, mercy.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Hide me in Your Wounds.

Presence, Grace, Connection

An Open Letter to the Queen City Pride membership ahead of the 2024 AGM.

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I need to preface these words by saying I’ve only heard one side of the story. However, I trust my instincts as someone who has experienced trauma that I hear these words from someone who has very clearly experience trauma as well–as that, I believe I have heard the truth and speak only to what I have heard. Before receiving a very polite letter, Mirtha attended a meeting where she was treaded abusively and demeaned.

I want to being by saying that I feel very odd being a bishop, and having an overall sense that there aren’t a lot of people that see me as being relevant, or making a significant contribution to the 2SLGBTQIAP+ community. If people don’t think you’re relevant, you’re able to say things a little more freely than if you had to watch your words.

I pray these words will have meaning.

Yesterday, Regina had a fairly intense wind storm that made it difficult, even the day after, to navigate the streets of our city. Now we have to clean up the mess on our streets so that we can move forward.

Human beings in conflict will often engage in ways that are much the same as the storm we had yesterday. They speak in a “stormy” way. They do this because they are impassioned, energized, and not always thinking clearly about the choices of words or the impact and outcome those words might make. In speaking with force, they inflict damage on the person they speak to; damage that is deeper, more painful, more significant. When it comes from a group of people focusing their force on a person, that intensifies the damage they do one hundred thousand fold.

When people make mistakes, it is our duty to be gracious, to forgive, to try and empathize and understand: but that does not negate the need or call for justice, the need to recognize when and individual has been treated badly because impassioned people speak to them with force. It becomes problematic when those people are so called “community leaders”.

When it is “community leaders” that do this, rather than acting in compassion, rather than acting in compassion towards the most vulnerable, they loose their right to call themselves leaders. They in turn need to be brought to be accountable for their actions, questioned as to why they did not see it necessary to offer an apology; offering a way forward without resolution is gaslighting.

I have been a part of Regina Pride. I was a member long before it meant anything to the people on the current board. We focused on creating events that were within our means and skillsets. We counted on others in the community to contribute their events, and in doing so, presented a festival that was truly community based. We recognized and respected each other’s ability and used the skills we had, rather than get angry or upset because an individuals skillset didn’t meet what we believed was required. That is a toxic behavior. That has no business in leadership or organization.

What has this got to do with me, a bishop?

The individual who was treated this poorly by so called community leaders is a member of my worship community. It is my job as a bishop to advocate for the people in my community who are suffering and experiencing unacceptable treatment by those who should know better.

So I say to the current board of Queen City Pride:

Shame on you. Shame on you.

It’s time for the current board to step aside, to let people who are more in tune with dignity, compassion, and love take a role in leadership. You have thought too long about grants and bursaries. It’s time the board starts thinking about human beings rather than economics.

This is the message of St. Francis, of our Lord Jesus Christ. Human beings are worth more than dollars.

There is an AGM happening on Monday.  I won’t be attending as I don’t see it’s part of my purview to step into an organization that is political and out of touch with the community it proports to serve.  However, you may be.  You should be! Use your voice to demand apologies are made, that people are accountable, that the organization returns to its roots of what it should be:  not just a festival, but also advocating for the rights of the people who are the most vulnerable.  Ask the current board how they can justify their position when they treat one of their own, a respected elder of our community, with such disregard and disrespect.

You have to stand up to say the right thing, no matter dangerous, no matter the consequences.  Right is right, even if no one is right. 

I hope my words moved less than 100km per hour.

Mirtha, I love you.

An Open Letter to the Queen City Pride membership ahead of the 2024 AGM.

28, 29, 30, 31.

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At that time, Jesus said to the crowds of the Jews: Which of you can convict Me of sin? If I speak the truth, why do you not believe Me? He who is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear is that you are not of God. The Jews therefore in answer said to Him, Are we not right in saying that You are a Samaritan, and have a devil? Jesus answered, I have not a devil, but I honor My Father, and you dishonor Me. Yet, I do not seek My own glory; there is One Who seeks and Who judges. Amen, amen, I say to you, if anyone keep My word, he will never see death. The Jews therefore said, Now we know that You have a devil. Abraham is dead, and the prophets, and You say, ‘If anyone keep My word he will never taste death.’ Are You greater than our father Abraham, who is dead? And the prophets are dead. Whom do You make Yourself? Jesus answered, If I glorify Myself, My glory is nothing. It is My Father Who glorifies Me, of Whom you say that He is your God. And you do not know Him, but I know Him. And if I say that I do not know Him, I shall be like you, a liar. But I know Him, and I keep His word. Abraham your father rejoiced that he was to see My day. He saw it and was glad. The Jews therefore said to Him, You are not yet fifty years old, and have You seen Abraham? Jesus said to them, Amen, amen, I say to you, before Abraham came to be, I am. They therefore took up stones to cast at Him; but Jesus hid Himself, and went out from the temple.

–John 8:46-59.

Again, I must apologize for not keeping up. It’s been a week. And every year, I look at the numbers of the posts and say to myself “I’ve done something wrong. It can’t be this far ahead. I must have missed a day.”

But I haven’t.

Today is Passion Sunday, the beginning of the strange period of Lent. Today, I covered the crucifix and the statue of the Blessed Mother with purple cloth; the curtains that usually are pulled back to reveal the mural of the life of Christ behind our altar today remained closed. I left the lights turned off over the pulpit and the altar. At home, my husband came into the oratory and helped me to cover the icons behind the altar. I removed the Blessed Sacrament from the monstrance that usually sits on my altar and replaced it with the crucifix, covered in purple. Some icons are exposed still–I need more purple cloth.

During this period of time, when I say the Office or pray Mass, I always tell myself that the coverings don’t really make much of a difference, but by the end of the first or second day I realize I miss them as much as I miss the alleluia. Parts of the Mass today were omitted.

When I was following the Medicine Wheel path, I would go out into the wilderness and fast. It wasn’t isolated–we were supervised, checked on, and on the fourth day without food and water we were called back in for ceremony and a feast to break the fast. On the first day, I’d usually sleep most of the time. I remember feeling cold, tired. Not hungry or particularly thirsty. By the middle of the third day, I would begin to feel achy. And cold. I slept. On the morning of the fourth day, I’d wake up and look at the sun, pace, and wait for people to come. I always thought it was later in the day than it was, and I’d wait…and wait…and wait. When my friend came to bring me and the others back in, there was a sense of relief; sometimes tears, sometimes laughter, and then the feeling of water moving down my throat, splashing in my stomach, the feeling of the cells of my body beginning to rehydrate again.

We are in the Passiontide of Lent. While the images we hold sacred, that give us hope and inspire us are covered, in a weeks time on Palm Sunday, we will be rejoicing and celebrating Christ’s entering Jerusalem: The King of Glory. Four short days after that, we will be experiencing the agony of the Passion, the silence at the end of Good Friday, the anticipation before the Easter Vigil, and the Vigil celebrating the resurrection when the bells shall ring out, the icons and images will be revealed again.

In the coming week, it’s important to pray for those we love, those who have passed, perhaps even those who have yet to come. It’s important to think of those closest to us who give us joy, to experience gratitude for the miniscule in our lives, like a glass of water. It’s important that, in our suffering and fasting, we unite our pains, our sorrows, our terrors, our anxieties with Christ’s passion.

In the week before Palm Sunday, reach out to a loved one you haven’t spoken to in a while. Take a little less food. Make time for prayer. Praying the Rosary in bed will often allow you to fall asleep before finishing: these are spare part prayers. Think of them as prayers that may have been omitted by others that are now being completed by you.

Spend time in silence, with scripture. Even if it’s just five minutes of the day.

28, 29, 30, 31.

19 & 20.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples: If your brother sin against you, go and show him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listen to you, you have won your brother. But if he do not listen to you, take with you one or two more so that on the word of two or three witnesses every word may be confirmed. And if he refuse to hear them, appeal to the Church, but if he refuse to hear even the Church, let him be to you as the heathen and the publican. Amen I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound also in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed also in heaven. I say to you further, that if two of you shall agree on earth about anything at all for which they ask, it shall be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together for My sake, there am I in the midst of them. Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

–Matthew 18:15-22

Consider here that we ourselves are a sibling to ourselves. When the truth of a thing comes to light, we must own it if we have a part in it, ask for forgiveness when and where it is appropriate, and accept the outcome. In the thinking of the twelve steps, this would be done “except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Whatever we bind on earth is bound in heaven. If we are bound by prejudice, anger, trauma, we cannot expect to easily go into prayer and find peace because we bring these things with us. How do we let these things go?

Slowly, over time, with consistency. If we notice a behavior that is detrimental to our well being, we recognize it, we look for the root of it, and we work to resolve it; writing, speaking to someone (a friend, a therapist), these are all good tools in helping to not just bring these things to the surface, but work to allow them minimal negative influence in our lives.

I’ve been talking to our worship community a lot about the benefits of confession. Truly, this is one way that we can release the hold that trauma and it’s cohorts has on us. What does it look like?

I described confession as being a conversation aimed towards addressing those things which have kept us from a closer encounter with God, with Jesus Christ. In a confession, we speak of those things we may have kept hidden from the world, trusting that what is said is kept in a sacred bond between the confessor and the one confessing. It can be a literal naming of sins, and a reconciliation, but it can and should be more than that.

19 & 20.

18.

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Brethren: Be imitators of God, as very dear children and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and delivered Himself up for us an offering and a sacrifice to God to ascend in fragrant odor. But immorality and every uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as becomes saints; or obscenity or foolish talk or scurrility, which are out of place; but rather thanksgiving. For know this and understand, that no fornicator, or unclean person, or covetous one – for that is idolatry – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one lead you astray with empty words; for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience. Do not, then, become partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk, then, as children of light, for the fruit of the light is in all goodness and justice and truth.

–Eph 5:1-9

Today was snowing heavily–I checked with the community and we made the decision to worship virtually from the oratory at my home.

I spoke in my homily today about how a house divided falls, referring to the Gospel reading where Christ references that if He was imbibed with power from the devil when He casted out spirits, it would be a good sign as that would indicate that the houses of evil were crumbling.

When speaking with Archbishop Roger this morning after Mass from Toronto, I made mention of the special qualities each of the people in the worship community have, how they’ve experienced significant challenges in many different ways, yet always seem to find their way back to the chapel. He pointed out that we are a community that clearly draws support from each other, that this is at the heart of what keeps the community together. Our worship community is very special to me; each individual is a part of the family of Christ that meets together in the little back chapel of the big United Church, sharing, loving, growing, experiencing, being.

It underlined to me the need for the community in Regina, the greater 2SLGBTQIAP+ community, to really self evaluate itself. For decades, there has been conflict that I believe is experienced because of trauma we aren’t ready to explore, or challenge, or accept, or heal from, or recognize as something that we all share in one form or another. If we choose to remain divided, we will do the work that those who would wish us gone would want to do themselves. They will only need to step back and watch as we implode.

Let us pray for unity, and act to create it, quietly, calmly, lovingly.

18.

9. 10. 11.

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At that time, Jesus took Peter, James and his brother John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves, and was transfigured before them. And His face shone as the sun, and His garments became white as snow. And behold, there appeared to them Moses and Elias talking together with Him. Then Peter addressed Jesus, saying, Lord, it is good for us to be here. If You will, let us set up three tents here, one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elias. As he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, This is My beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased; hear Him. And on hearing it the disciples fell on their faces and were exceedingly afraid. And Jesus came near and touched them, and said to them, Arise, and do not be afraid. But lifting up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only. And as they were coming down from the mountain, Jesus cautioned them, saying, Tell the vision to no one, till the Son of Man has risen from the dead.

–Matthew 17:1-9

What causes a person upon hearing a sound to fall to their knees, when in seeing someone they knew as their teacher transformed before them, glowing brightly, even blindingly?

Many times in the Mass, especially those over the past few days, and those upcoming over Holy Week, we are called to kneel. Our churches typically have kneeling boards on hinges that we can pull down to make it easier to kneel and stand. The congregation I serve, while not having kneeling boards, does have cushions available in the chapel that we use; I looked this week at an image of what the cathedral in Regina used to look like pre-Vatican II. I was shocked to see how stark the sanctuary looks now compared to how it looked before it’s “restoration”–murals were painted over rather than restored, decorative scrolling throughout the sanctuary is now stark cream. Where the high altar once stood is now a void with empty floor, a large clay artwork of the 5 new mysteries of the rosary presented by St. John Paul II takes its place, yet the void between the wooden altar and the space the high altar once occupied is void. It feels like something significant is missing.

I grew up in the United Church of Canada in small town Saskatchewan. Kneeling for prayer wasn’t something I was taught, or a practice that I was even familiar with. I prayed when I laid under my blankets at night, or with the rest of the congregation in church lead by the minister, while the minister’s wife played a quiet background electric organ that became louder and finished right after the “amen”.

While kneeling is not always something we have the opportunity or the ability (it can be so, so painful for me!), we can draw to mind why it is why kneel. We lower ourselves to someone who needs aid, we lower ourselves out of respect, love, devotion. Kneeling, or adopting a position of submission, can, potentially, be part of our deeper practice of prayer–we yield to God, we yield to Christ and His teachings, we yield to moments like the Transfiguration that link Jesus to something more of Heaven than of earth.

9. 10. 11.

3.

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At that time, Jesus said to His disciples, You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and shall hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who persecute and calumniate you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, Who makes His sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the publicans do that? And if you salute you brethren only, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do that? You therefore are to be perfect, even as you heavenly Father is perfect. Take heed not to do your good before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you shall have no reward with your Father in heaven. Therefore when you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and streets, in order that they may be honored by men. Amen I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be given in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you.

-Matthew 5:43-48; 6:1-4

I’m really blessed to have the ability to sit with the Blessed Sacrament, both in my home oratory and in a local cathedral church while an individual I support goes to choir practice. Last night there was a wedding rehearsal going on when I arrived so I wasn’t able to sit in the pew in front of the tabernacle, but I was able to still be present and in eyesight. As the wedding rehearsal ended and the choir started it’s rehearsal, I began my Holy Hour with the rosary. The priest turned off the lights in the cathedral which startled everyone, including myself, but I found it easy to get past the outward distractions back into my adoration. After the rosary, I prayed Vespers and Compline. Yawning a few times, I’d have to pause; this isn’t something new, in fact I think Our Lord appreciates these kinds of efforts to keep on going even when we are distracted by things like exhaustion.

As of late, when I pray I have intrusive thoughts that pop up. Usually I give them no mind–if they’re regarding a certain situation or individual, I focus the prayer on that situation and think that it’s just my mind doing what it does. Last night when the intrusive thoughts came up, I laughed internally and thought how repetitive the mind can be when wanting to produce distractions. Thoughts of rage, of anger, moments when I was humiliated, or not able to follow through and the subsequent shame and guilt.

These are all enemies. We should not shun them but embrace them and welcome them. In some situations, during prayer when these thoughts arise there’s something we need to see that may give us hope, push us forward, or there may be an unresolved issue that is coming to the surface we need to give thought on, or perhaps act on. Then, there are the intrusive thoughts that are meant purely for distraction from prayer. In any number of forms, sometimes distracting to the point of shaking ones self out of the peace and stillness of prayer, their entire purpose is to create not only distraction, but frustration as well.

In the case of distractions of this type, recognize it’s “just going to be one of those days” and move forward. Return your focus to your prayer, and push through as best as you can.

3.